She Almost Forgot That Girl Was Her
Brittany Clark is the founder of Une Bonne Vivante, nearly 20 years after overcoming heroin addiction.
The post-podcast Q&A following Episode 3 of Ticking Junction, “The Reality Behind Euphoria.”
Jen: Before recording, was there anything you were unsure about sharing?
Brittany: I really wasn't sure what direction the conversation would go or what the focus would be.
I know that one of the reasons Riddhita [mutual friend of Brittany and Jen] nominated me was that she met me as a woman solo-traveling to Antarctica, and I knew I would speak about how I got there. But she has also seen me speak freely on social media about my tumultuous relationship with my mother and ultimately cutting her out of my life before her untimely death a few years ago, so I had prepared myself for all of that.
The only thing I was certain of was that I would be completely open and honest and not hold back. Whatever came up was exactly what needed to be said.
Truthfully, I hadn't really prepared a lot around my addiction because it's just not something I talk much about anymore, and I definitely had a moment of insecurity after we finished recording. But I look back now and think it was such a great conversation, and I'm glad it went in the direction that it did.
Jen: After having this conversation, did you realise anything about your own journey that you hadn’t connected before?
Brittany: Yes, actually! So many people over the years have commented on how brave I was to solo-travel to Paris first, and now all seven continents, or to pack up my entire life and move to NYC. And like, yeah, sure, those are definitely brave things to do!
But I think the reason I made — and continue to make — such big decisions like that with such ease and confidence is because nothing will ever compare to being 19 years old, getting out of an incredibly abusive relationship and getting clean from heroin.
I realized that having to be the bravest I would ever have to be all those years ago set me up to continue being courageous and making big decisions for the rest of my life — how cool is that?
Jen: You spoke about looking in the mirror and thinking, “This is not you.” When you look at your life now, what do you think that 17-year-old version of you would say?
Brittany: I think 17-year-old Brittany was so easily manipulated and just wanted to be loved. I don't think she had any inclination of just how powerful she was.
Something shifted over those almost two years, because at 19 I was finally like, "Wait, no, but wtf are we doing and how do we get out of this?"
I didn't even have big dreams for the future or for myself. I just knew I didn't want the life I was living.
So for that girl to see 37-year-old Brittany walking through life with her head held high, so full of life and love, and now making it her mission to share that love with the world... she would be in fucking awe of her — and probably in a lot of disbelief that that's who she would grow up to be. :)
Jen: Was there anything we discussed that felt different saying out loud than you expected it to?
Brittany: Honestly, talking about my addiction surprised me the most. Not because I've never talked about it before, but because I really don't anymore. It's been almost 20 years, and it feels like such a distant version of my life that sometimes I almost forget that girl was me.
Saying some of those things out loud again — especially some of the darker moments — made me realize just how far removed I am from that version of myself now. I think that's actually why I felt a little vulnerable after we finished recording. I wasn't ashamed of anything I said, but I hadn't expected to revisit that part of myself so deeply.
And now I'm really glad I did.
Jen: The episode is titled The Reality Behind Euphoria. If someone only understood addiction through shows like Euphoria, what is the one thing you’d want them to understand about the reality of it?
Brittany: I mean, obviously Euphoria is a dramatized story created to capture viewers, but the reality is so much less sexy than that.
One day you're getting high for fun, and the next you wake up and your body is literally dependent on it to function, and it's fucking terrifying. Your whole life revolves around this substance — that you don't even like anymore — and getting more of it. Everything else in your life takes a backseat.
It is a vicious cycle that even some of the strongest people cannot find their way out of, and it is not to be taken lightly.
I am so lucky that I got myself out when I did and have been able to stay clean all these years, and I know not everyone gets that opportunity and I make a point to live my life to the fullest because of that.
Jen: You’ve made several decisions without knowing how they would turn out.. getting clean, travelling alone, moving to New York and starting Une Bonne Vivante. Has your relationship with uncertainty changed over time?
Brittany: Oh, absolutely. I've gotten so confident in my ability to figure things out over the years that I think I actually look for new ways to challenge myself.
"Okay, I've traveled to all seven continents... what now? Oh, how about I get my scuba certification and dive in all the oceans and seas!"
"I've moved to New York, but what about after that? Oh, how about I take French lessons so I can move to Paris one day!"
"Okay, you're this badass independent woman, what now? How about I start a community of other badass women and bring them all together!"
I've come to believe that all you need in life is a little audacity and you'll figure it out!
Jen: What does recovery mean to you now, nearly 20 years after making that first decision to accept help?
Brittany: Well, I am no poster child for heroin recovery, nor do I want to be. :)
Recovery looks different for everyone. I was in AA and NA for a few years when I first got clean, but I have gone my own way now.
I know addiction is medically understood as a disease, but that framework has never really resonated with how I understand my own addiction. For me, the substance was a symptom of much deeper things happening within me, and my recovery has meant continuously being willing to acknowledge and work on those things.
For me, a huge part of recovery was realizing that I was so much more powerful than the substance and learning, over time, not to let it control my life anymore.
Jen: For someone listening who knows their life needs to change but is terrified of what comes next, what would you want to say to them?
Brittany: I cannot promise you what will happen if you change, but I can promise you that nothing will change if you don't — and isn't that worse?
Don't let doubt and fear hold you back — they're both lying to you. You can do this, even if you don't know exactly what "doing it" is going to look like yet.
I know it is terrifying. Believe me, I do. But I also know that the fact that you know your life needs to change means there is a part of you deep down inside that knows you deserve more than this and is just waiting for you to make it happen.
I am literally living proof that you can be at rock bottom and still find your way out. And if I can do it, you can too.
Haven’t heard Brittany’s full story? Watch or listen to Episode 3 of Ticking Junction: The Reality Behind Euphoria on Spotify or Youtube Now :)
⚠️ CONTENT WARNING This episode contains discussions of heroin addiction and drug use, domestic and sexual abuse, overdose and death.
💛 SUPPORT If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use, confidential support is available internationally through Find A Helpline: https://findahelpline.com/
If you are in immediate danger or experiencing an emergency, contact your local emergency services.
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Une Bonne Vivante: https://www.unebonnevivante.com/
Instagram/TikTok: @Une.BonneVivante
